Why Alcohol is Evil

Welcome Stalkers/bored people/Mummy to my blog! So I know I told a lot of people when they asked me "Hey Gabby, are you going to blog?" that blogging was for self obsessed narcissists with no life and no real friends... Well here we are!


So everybody in the world already knows alcohol is the devil's drink. It turns normally lovely, intelligent, coherent people (just for the record I'm not referring to myself here... even at the best of times I am a mess) into nightmarishly loud, vulgar and irresponsible people... so basically it brings the population down to my level.

But let me talk about Thursday night. For me, Thursday nights are like Friday nights for the rest of the suckers who have something to do on Friday mornings. In this case, it was the end of the week and to top it off it was the Comic Book Party, the first big University party of the semester... (well official one anyway... definately not the first time Gabby the Alcoholic has come out to party in Cholula). So somehow the Comic Book theme was interpreted by us to mean "Superheroes," and these amazing superheroes started the night with some cheap clear alcohol and a few "Never have I evers" to get the party started/get to know eachother...

But I digress... Wasn't the point of this blog to inform the world of the evils of alcohol and hopefully impart upon the impressionable youth a positive and healthy message.

#1: Alcohol makes even the most awful music enjoyable:
"Oh em geee I looove David Guetta, omgzzz lets dance!" ... Its true! Normally I will avoid (boycott even) any shop, restaurant, fast food outlet that pumps out such rubbish house/R&B type noise as what was blaring all night that fateful Thursday. But add 10 parts alcohol and one part dignity and I'm dancing like a crazed teenager to music that would normally make me vomit all over myself.

#2: Once you pop you can't stop:
Now this isn't a subtle (or... even a non subtle drug reference), alcohol is one of those things that you can't get enough of. Case in point: you're dancing away to Lady Gaga screaming to the poor boy next to you "THIS MUSIC ROXXX" and he offers you a super strong drink from the bottle (ohhh yes Aussies... the drinking scene is MUCH more intense and unregulated than back home) ... Should I drink more? Hell no! But I'm drunk, so who cares. Bring it on... more is better... until...

#3: Alcohol makes you kiss strange boys:
"Is that all!?!" you ask. "At least ya didn't shag him!" ... Yes, I can see what you're thinking... Big Deal. But unfortunately the only thing worse than making out in a dark corner with someone you've never seen or met before is shoving your tongue down the throat of somebody who seems to appear at EVERY SINGLE PARTY that you attend. Cholula is too small to go around pashing the masses... It will certainly make the next fiesta a little weird

#4: Alcohol makes you molesta people:
Anglophones, before you call me a creep, a pedo and a loonie, hear that molesta means annoy in Spanish! (gosh that could have made for a few awkward explanations) Normally when I am sober I am 100% unannoying, but give me some alcohol and I'm pestering everyone in the club with my rants. No doubt some of you have been victims in the past of such verbal diarrhoea, and to all of those who have suffered, my apologies.

#5: "But I hate whiskey!!" ... not after 10+ drinks you don't:
Thank you to the lovely lad who held the whiskey bottle up while amber liquid trickled down my throat. It seems that after a few drinks I am indiscriminate about my taste in alcoholic beverages, method of consumption... pretty much anything

#6: Alcohol makes cigarettes seem really cool:
There's nothing better than waking up to the fresh smell of ciggie smoke on your pillow the next morning (or in my case afternoon). And being legally allowed to smoke inside bars doesn't help the urge either.

#7: Those pesky calories that sneak up on ya:
And I'm not talking about those that are contained in the drinks themselves (for me... they are a necessary evil and cannot be avoided) but those 4:30am tacos on the way home. That's right, in the 200m walk between my bed and the club there are about 3 taco stands that prey on the drunk. And you eat one. And it was soo good that you have another one. Then another one. And then you remember the avocados you have in the fridge and buy a packet of tortillas to wolf down when you get home. And why not those skittles too? Oh yes, I will be fat when I return. Please still love me anyway.

#8: Forgetfulness, loser, "what happened to that $500 pesos?"
And in the process of being drunk $500 pesos disappeared from my bag, resulting in a fun "FUCKING FUCK SHIT" moment when I got home. How did it go missing? Who knows? Did it tumble out when I flung my jacket from my bag? Or was it stolen? Or did I give it to the man without legs on the side of the road? (unlikely... I am stingy as hell when it comes to charity). But what I do know is that I am a fiddy down the shitter. Meaning goodbye bus money for Guadalajara! Goodbye journey to the town called Tequila.

And all I can say is that, it could have been worse. Much worse. At least I didn't wake up in a gutter, end up with any injuries, vomit, hate myself (too much) the next morning, wake up in a strange place, not wake up at all, have a killer hangover, lose my bag, lose my key, lose my crocs, lose my dignity (well... not too much of it), wet my bed, bite anybody, commit a crime, get myself arrested... Ohh and the list goes on. In fact... I think I did pretty well for myself on Thursday!