Xalappy times in Xalapa

So as I usually do, I decided to travel away from Puebla this past weekend and of course in true Gabby style it was a last minute spontaneous plan. So I looked at Google maps and saw a place named Xalapa connected to here by a short highway. So I decided, well, I like the people I have met from Veracruz so far, so why not! And so it happened, I jumped on a bus Saturday morning and was on my merry way. And as fate would have it, despite waking up when my bus was supposed to leave and rushing frantically to the bus station, I managed to buy the LAST TICKET on the bus leaving STRAIGHT AWAY! And so even though I was sandwiched between 2 fat guys that smelt like mud (who I'm sure I fell asleep and possibly drooled on at some stage) I was finally after 3 hours in Xalapa.

Ok so it wasn't exactly the bus that I took. But it is an ample description of the bus system in Xalapa. Actually the buses in Xalapa are really good (much better than the trains in Brisbane which often smell like urine), but one can only assume that this abbreviation was created by someone who didn't speak English. But I digress. So as soon as I got there, we headed straight up to a small town in the mountains which were shrouded in mist, to a town famous for its shoes and its leather. For a small and charming town, it was amazing how much leather and shoe stores there were. Surely one town could not wear so many pairs of shoes! But of course my favourite was a pair of yellow leather boots with swans stitched on them! They were the tackiest things I had ever seen and I loved them! The town itself was a very charming small dairy farming/leather making town (made even more mysterious and exciting by the fact that we couldn't see all that far in front of us), with awesome food and a different vibe to other parts of Mexico.

 

And so after checking out the town (and before freezing to death) we headed back to Xalapa city to chill out and relax before heading out for some live music. So we headed out, and of course I had no idea what to expect. Were we going out to see rock music? folk? pop? gospel? salsa? All were possibilities, but I was pleasantly surprised by the live band who played a variety of music known as Veracruzana (like... music from the state of Veracruz... yep). The venue was decked out much like your standard RSL, and our group of 10 or so 20 somethings seemed to be the youngest ones there at first. Sitting there with my beer (Indio) I had no idea what to expect, and when the band stepped onto stage in their traditional matching outfits and I was ready to run. But then they started. And it was AWESOME! Just imagine a folkloric sound, mixed with rock and a headbanging lead singer/guitarist. It had everyone in the crowd enjoying it and I can officially add a new genre of music to my "like" list. 

And who would have guessed, but the song La Bamba is actually from Veracruz! But after the band finished the group dispersed and we headed back to recharge the batteries and escape the cold! And on the way back we were having a gab about the drug traffickers in the taxi (a sneaky conversation that we had in English because as it seems, you never know who you can or can't trust in Mexico... but it would have sucked if the Cabbie WAS a narco who spoke English!). The next day we chilled out all day, eating delicious home made tacos, enjoying (well... laughing at) the Superbowl and the farce that is the half time show (well the farce that is the entire Superbowl!) and listening to some more Mexican music before some more friends arrived for a fiestita. And of course, for the first time in about 4 years I walked a dog! It was great. We walked to the river, around the brightly painted streets while Ringo bounced around like a maniac.

The next day (the public holiday!) we journeyed into the city centre (again), this time to take in and enjoy what a pretty city it was. Xalapa is a city that is full of green spaces, parks and plazas, which make it a very interesting place to adventure to. We started in the main park, and to my utmost pleasure, there was a clown show taking place! But then... not only was there one clown, but 2. And 3. And more! There must have been at least 7 or 8 clowns in the park that day and I did my best to take a few sneaky photos of as many as I could. When I asked Olaf why there are so many clowns in Mexico (not just there! it is not unheard of in Mexico for a clown to sell you a taco), all he could answer is that they enjoy it. Needless to say there is still much more for me to learn about Mexican culture.

This friendly clown saw me trying to take a sneaky photo and instead invited me over to have a photo with him (him?). Afterwards, we continued walking, through the parks, super interesting colonial buildings and through the market alley. Another thing I noticed in Xalapa that I hadn't noticed so much in other parts of Mexico were the stereotypes coming out. Moustaches. Sombreros. All things that back home we expect of Mexicans that I hadn't seen to much of.. until Xalapa

Another thing about Xalapa/Veracruz is that it produces coffee and is famed for having some of the best coffee in the world. So I had to test it for myself. And it did not fail. It was exceptionally good (better than most of the shit that you'll find in Brisbane or Starbucks), and of course the cafes are warm, inviting and everything that one could hope for. So as night drew near and my imminent departure, I was sad to leave such from such a weekend. So I boarded the bus, expecting a very straightforward 3 hour ride home, but instead I experienced:

Whinge whinge, you say. How bad can it have been. Well, for one my 3 hour bus ride took instead 4 and a half hours. Why? Because of a heavy fog for the first part of the journey that rendered it impossible to see more than 2m in front. So when we were sitting in traffic for over an hour wondering why the fuck we weren't moving, we couldn't see anything. When we finally drove past, we saw a burning shell of a pick up truck in the middle of the road (still on fire after many hours) and no other cars (nor fire fighters for that matter). It leaves one to wonder whether: a) there was an idiot on the road that night. b) someone fell asleep with a ciggie whilst driving (there was only one car so it wasn't like a pile up or anything) or c) if drug traffickers had been battling and the burning pick up truck represented somebody who had crossed the Mexican drug lords (ok... so that one was a result of a vivid imagination and the sweet caress of my good friend boredom). But of course to top things off, there was always at any given time at least 2 snorers in my vicinity. Also, the 17 year old sitting next to me didn't have headphones so my favourites were blaring out of his phone while he edged closer (as I edged away) and I tried not to kill myself (or him!). 

And of course, the discovery of the weekend. Xalapa... Xalapeños... Jalapeños! Jalapeños are from Xalapa. And here I was thinking it was just a gorgeous, fun and super cultural city!

Mexico is for Fatties

Alright, so before you barrage me with insults about how Mexican people are not fat and how I am a xenophobic asshole, no better than those clowns from Top Gear, I am not implying in the title that Mexicans are fat (well... some are). Rather I speak of how I plan to be fat as a cow, car, house when I leave in a year. So here is my dilemma.

1. Mexican food is so delicious!
2. Mexican food is laden with cheese, grease, fat and everything good in life. It is not uncommon for any given meal to be dripping fat from the end.
3. Salad and veggies are boring.
4. Too much spare time = more time for eating
5. It's too cold to exercise (ahhh... yeah lets go with that excuse...)
6. I am lazy and lack self control

Oh yes, that is an empty pizza dish in front of me. And yes, I did eat all of that. It's just another typical Sunday afternoon in Mexico (PS. that was genuine Italian pizza and it was awesome!). It seems social outings like this are all too common, and even when I insisted that I only needed half a pizza, peer pressure and an unwillingness to share (by my fellow fatties who wanted their own pizzas too) resulted in me eating it all for myself. But not only is it social eating, those "let´s go for lunch together" text messages (I don´t think I have ever received one that said "let´s go for a walk/jog together" unless it was followed by the phrase "to get tacos/deep fried mystery shit." But its not the only thing to blame for my impending personal obesity crisis. If we follow this equation:

... then it is not a pretty sight. Ok so there's Coronas. And a big night out always ends in some greasy, greasy but oh so good tacos. And take this and do it several nights a week and you have one fattie coming right up. Ok so maybe its a bit on an exaggeration (or maybe its not) but there is no possible way that I am going to come back to Australia skinny (or even the same size I was when I left). I will be so fat that:

• I will need a crane to lift me
• I will have more chins than a Chinese phonebook (I´m already pushing 3 at present)
• They´ll make me pay for 2 seats on the airplane back to Australia
• It will be obesity scooter time for Gabby
• TV will become my new best friend and Jerry Springer re-runs the highlight of my day
• Small children will run away in fear and I will be that awkward fat person that everyone tiptoes around

So I can basically say goodbye to my dream of looking like this when I get back. But that's okay because you´ll still love me in spite of my love handles and bingo wings right? Right...?

Election time in Mexico

Ok, so it wasn't quite as exciting as federal elections, and granted I had no idea about the political process of Mexico (except that it is apparently corrupt), the elections for Governor of Guerrero (what a title!) were quite interesting.

• So one of the main things I noticed as we drove into Acapulco on the weekend was the massive mass of propaganda! Not a single pole, powerline or bus was uncovered; campaign posters covered everything! If I hadn't have known about the elections before I arrived, I would have to be a pretty giant moron to know what was going on. 
• Another thing I noticed was the "ley seca." Apparently people get a bit worked up around election times, and the city of Acapulco decided that it wasn't going to take any chances and banned alcohol sales from 2am of the day of elections and after. For me, an election isn't one of those occasions where the beer hat comes out and I let loose but perhaps the Mexicans are a bit different. Maybe alcohol impairs judgement and makes people vote for idiots (is that why political campaigners head on out to the aboriginal communities of Australia with a keg of beer (or box of goon) and a how to vote card?). Or maybe drunk people are more likely to decapitate the honest voters of Mexico? 
• And of course the thing that struck me as the coolest were the posters! In Australia I am accustomed to the bland, standard ALP/Liberal templates with bland serious looking photo (maybe that's why election time doesn't motivate me to drink?). But in Mexico they are colourful! Exciting! Full of promises they'll probably never keep! 

So this is the first candidate. And look how many posters he has in about a 3m space. Bear in mind this is the tip of a very large iceberg, there are at least 2.4 million other posters around the state, and if you didn't know this face before you arrived, it doesn't take long to remember.
Pros:

• Its colourful! Red and Orange with white, black and brown make for a poster that is very easy on the eye!
• The wording. Not only is he straight to the point with what he wants (Gobernador! ... try to guess what that means in English). Also, every 5th poster or so has a different promise to the people of Guerrero. Better education. Better food. Atta boy, tell the world what YOU will do for them (good luck keeping them though)
• A trustworthy face. So he's no model, but that benevolent expression says "I am that friendly uncle who will give you the last bite of my taco and clean up your puddle of vomit from last night without judgement."
• Angel! What a fabulous name. It must be a sign. If we vote for someone named 'angel' he will surely deliver us from the evil drug traffickers and decapitators

Cons:

• A white shirt. Sure he looks clean and professional, but how boring! Grab our attention! For a state full of sunshine, good vibes and wonderous beaches a white business shirt just will not cut it. Wardrobe!
• Lack of neck. I'm searching but I still can't find his neck. Maybe he plays rugby? (doubt it) Or maybe he was born with a disorder where his neck didn't develop properly? (poor boy) But can we really trust a man with no neck? I'm skeptical.
• That haircut! Please! Bald is so 90s (2000s here in Mexico... Freddie Mercury style moustaches and mullets have only recently gone out of fashion here). Angel needs to fire his stylist PRONTO and employ the likes of Carson from Queer Eye or someone who has at least half of their eyesight to make him look like a rockstar.

So this one I loved so much that I stole myself one of the million to bring back to Cholula with me. Bear in mind at the time I didn't realise it was so BIG (its the size of my bed!). So of course this photo doesn't quite do ole Anuel much justice, but I just couldn't get it out of my head!
Pros:

• The Thumbs Up! I love love love it! Thumbs up to you Anuel. He's obviously a very happy guy and that positivity is just what the state of Guerrero needs
• That shirt! Lime green. Clearly Carson has paid a visit to this guy. Green = very fresh, modern and creative. And he always wears green in all of his public apperances. He has made green his style. His brand. Expect green shirts to go flying off the racks at Walmart. He is to fashion what Gandhi was to peace.
• The slogan. "Vamos por tiempos mejores!" Something simple, vague and very easy to follow through on. And ambitious! He is definately aiming high. Vamos Anuel!
• The love heart. Anuel is the heart of Guerrero. How many politicians have a heart next to their name on their campaign posters. It gives the whole thing soul, like Anny is a real person and not just a political bigwig. And better yet, you will never see any publicity without that heart next to his name. 
• His eyes. Blue-ish, Greenish, clear and honest. I think I have a bit of a crush on Anny here! His eyes are the window to the soul and we can see right in to his honesty. He is a bit of a hottie for a guy who is a million years old.

Cons: NONE! (well... there are a few)

• Tacky. I think this goes without saying. Whether he is a perfectly crafted work of PR genius or a clown posing as a politician to test the intelligence of the average Mexican (thank god they don't have compulsory voting there!), his poster/campaign definately toes the line of taste.
• He's bald. Rogaine. Wig. Anny you have a million options at your disposal yet you chose to rock the cue ball look. At least head polish is a low $20 pesos at Waldos Mart for a big tub of it. You'll need it.

 AND THE WINNER IS...

Angel. It seems the Mexican public decided to overlook his style/physical flaws and award him the winner. It seems the flamboyant angle taken by Anuel just didn't pay off and we'll see lime green shirts going on sale all around Acapulco. But just look at that election party! Angel is a rockstar! And the leis and look of triumph just make for a man who will bring Guerrero into the 21st century with a bang. Now all that remains for the good folks of Acapulco is to tear down the thousands of propaganda posters and host a big effigy/party now that ley seca is over.

Warm and Sunny Beach Times in Acapulco

So as most of you probably know, I am a person who could somewhat be described as a floater (not of the poo variety, more of the plank of wood at sea variety) so the past weekend in my true floater style I attached myself to travel plans to visit Acapulco. Some of you may have heard of Acapulco in the news lately. Not long ago 35 people were decapitated and their heads thrown away (atta boy Mexico... slaughtering the masses in style!), and as it so happened, the past weekend were elections for the new Governor. And doesn't it sound like a true shit show in the making! Of course nothing super bad went down, and except for a bit of police corruption on the drive in (honestly Pendejo Policeman, NOBODY follows the road rules in Mexico... get a real job), it was a very relaxing weekend.

In saying that it was a very FULL weekend! Oh yes, for somebody whose daily routine consists of about 15 hours of sleep, 4 hours of drinking and 5 hours of fuck all, it was a shock to the system. For one, we woke up at 4am to leave Mexico City for Acapulco (and you can guess what I was doing for the duration of that 4 hour trip!). When we arrived it was straight into the boat for a paddle across to the island.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Acapulco is beautiful, sunny, HOT and awesome! Suck on that everyone who was stuck in the cold on the weekend. So after a hard paddle (and winning the race of course!) we hiked our way up through the forest to the lighthouse and an AMAZING view that was worth the physical exertion that had until then been foreign to me for a very long time. And it was the first time I really sweat in a long time (not in a gross pits, too unfit to walk to class kind of way but a humid hot sweat!), and it was awesome!

So by this stage it was only 11am and we had a whole day to fill. And we certainly filled it to the brim. We headed over to the beach (well.. another beach! Acapulco has HEAPS of beaches), this one that we went to had less 60 something ugly people and cellulite and more of a chilled out vibe. And the awesome thing about Mexico is being allowed to drink on the beach! Imagine a cold Corona in hand while frolicking in the sand and not at all missing the freezing winter climate of Puebla! Well... I am told that its not exactly legal to drink in public in Mexico, but basically nobody really gives a toss because they have bigger fish to fry (like drug trafficking, mad decapitators and all of society's evils that Juan Rulfo likes to point out like the cynical bastard that he is).

But I digress. Who is that fat chick you ask? Well its actually me looking very pineappley indeed, with a Corona in hand of course and no less than at least 5 or 6 chins to add to the picture. And even 3 showers later I am still finding sand in cracks and crevices that I didn't know was there. And so we watched the sun set over the Pacific whilst calculating how long it would take to swim to Australia (answer: a very long fucking time) and finishing off some very fishy enchilladas. And of course the fun didn't stop there! I told you it was a full day! So on we went to La Quebrada which is a giant cliff over the ocean. We watched the light show and the movie-cita on the rock face before watching something beautifully horrifying. Watching very nicely toned men diving off a cliff in DTs/Speedos/Sungas I expected to see blood, a few cracked skulls and horrifying shrieks as they defied gravity and every law of nature to perform feats of diving that shit all over the crap at the Olympics any day (and 4 times a day too!)

And the night didn't end after La Quebrada. Next stop was the nightlife strip! Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for our livers and wallets) the city had implemented (for one special night only) LEY SECA! Which basically meant draconian like alcohol regulations for the bars and nightclubs of Acapulco (which WERE actually followed unlike the majority of regulations in Mexico) to hopefully avoid any violence at the elections the following day. While clubs pumping out David "what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-this-country" Guetta were tempting, it was the NO COVER sign on the Karaoke Bar (and the simple fact that karaoke is AWESOME) that reeled us in. Mind you, my karaoke bar visits have been all too frequent during my time in Mexico and I am well aware that I should probably find a new hobby; however it didn't stop us from blasting out the favourites such as ABBA, I Will Survive as well as a number of songs in Spanish that I will probably never remember. And so concluded day 1 of our journey to Acapulco. By this stage I was absolutely rooted (despite the power naps I managed in the car in between places) and I was glad to have a comfortable bed to curl up in.

The next perfect day started at the much more reasonable hour of 10am with a family breakfast of cow stomach soup (which was surprisingly not all that bad as it may sound!). After (almost) polishing off my plate it was off to the fort/museum to learn a bit more about Acapulco that the bars and beaches. Being Sunday it was free entrance for Mexicans, and since the guard was clearly blind and or deaf I cruised on in without a second glance! The fort not only had a WICKED view but an entire section dedicated to the history of pirates, which was: AWESOME! After enjoying the (free) museum and the history of almost all facets of Mexican history (briefly) we headed back for a family lunch before heading down to the beach again. There we enjoyed the cotton candy, the sunset over the ocean (again!) and getting some final sun in so that I wouldn't return to Puebla looking albino as normal.

Finally, to finish off what was a fun weekend full of action excitement and awesome people we headed up to the lookout to see the lights of Acapulco from above. From there we fattened ourselves up with 1kg of amazing taco meat (between 4 people thank you very much!) from the rotisserie dripping with fat and hot sauce and everything good in the world. Of course no long weekend is complete without a super early morning rise and the journey back, battling through Monday morning traffic. But was it worth it? Shit yahhh!