Mexico is for Fatties

Alright, so before you barrage me with insults about how Mexican people are not fat and how I am a xenophobic asshole, no better than those clowns from Top Gear, I am not implying in the title that Mexicans are fat (well... some are). Rather I speak of how I plan to be fat as a cow, car, house when I leave in a year. So here is my dilemma.

1. Mexican food is so delicious!
2. Mexican food is laden with cheese, grease, fat and everything good in life. It is not uncommon for any given meal to be dripping fat from the end.
3. Salad and veggies are boring.
4. Too much spare time = more time for eating
5. It's too cold to exercise (ahhh... yeah lets go with that excuse...)
6. I am lazy and lack self control

Oh yes, that is an empty pizza dish in front of me. And yes, I did eat all of that. It's just another typical Sunday afternoon in Mexico (PS. that was genuine Italian pizza and it was awesome!). It seems social outings like this are all too common, and even when I insisted that I only needed half a pizza, peer pressure and an unwillingness to share (by my fellow fatties who wanted their own pizzas too) resulted in me eating it all for myself. But not only is it social eating, those "let´s go for lunch together" text messages (I don´t think I have ever received one that said "let´s go for a walk/jog together" unless it was followed by the phrase "to get tacos/deep fried mystery shit." But its not the only thing to blame for my impending personal obesity crisis. If we follow this equation:

... then it is not a pretty sight. Ok so there's Coronas. And a big night out always ends in some greasy, greasy but oh so good tacos. And take this and do it several nights a week and you have one fattie coming right up. Ok so maybe its a bit on an exaggeration (or maybe its not) but there is no possible way that I am going to come back to Australia skinny (or even the same size I was when I left). I will be so fat that:

• I will need a crane to lift me
• I will have more chins than a Chinese phonebook (I´m already pushing 3 at present)
• They´ll make me pay for 2 seats on the airplane back to Australia
• It will be obesity scooter time for Gabby
• TV will become my new best friend and Jerry Springer re-runs the highlight of my day
• Small children will run away in fear and I will be that awkward fat person that everyone tiptoes around

So I can basically say goodbye to my dream of looking like this when I get back. But that's okay because you´ll still love me in spite of my love handles and bingo wings right? Right...?