Welcome Home Asshole

Today marks exactly one month and one day since I arrived back in Brisbane and it seems almost like a lifetime. During that time I have managed to go back to uni, catch up with some (not all) of my old friends, make new friends, find a place to live, buy a bicycle and not get a job. Although my time back in Bris Vegas hasn't been all horrible, the desire to get the hell out of here has overcome me once again, and when I realise that it has only been a month it depresses me to all end. Unless I decide not to finish my degree (which I do), I inevitably have at least 2 years left in Queensland, and that is a best-case-scenario, I could end up dragging that time out if I fail or just simply faff around with my degree. The idea that uni is the only thing keeping me in Brisbane is a horrifying thought, and particularly sad when I remember how much I used to love Brisbane. It is very possible that having come from Townsville, even Brisbane once seemed like a wonderful and amazing metropolis, or perhaps I just visited too many cooler places while I was away.

So today, while I was actively avoiding folding up my clothes and putting them away where they belong (to date I have been sharing my bed with all of my clothes for about 2 weeks, it has been slightly awkward), I was rooting around all of the old crap that hadn't yet been categorised into drawers yet. In my pile of documents, I found the tattered old pages that contained number 1-68 of my bucket list which had been written over about a 2 year period and been dragged all over the world with me. Of course, when I say all over the world I mean the limited countries in the one region that I have visited. But looking at these old pages I realised something. Once upon a time I had dreams. Dreams that motivated and inspired me at one stage. Now I find myself a whinging, pathetic, sad old sausage who writes blogs about how shitty Brisbane is and how I can't find a job. So to remind myself of the ambitious, young dreamer that I once was, and to hopefully inspire myself not to be a loser anymore, I have decided to put up some of the highlights from my bucket list:

Pathetic, sad, old, whinger who complains about everything? It seems nothing has changed.

3) Write a song and perform it on stage: This would first require me a) getting my guitar from Townsville, b) learning to play it c) learning to sing d) writing a song e) finding a stage (other than in a karaoke bar) where I can showcase my lack of talent and make a fool of myself

10) Ride/drive all the way across Central Asia: This has been a dream of mine since I was at school. The plan involves rolling plains, a wide open road and a number of exotic countries ending in -stan. Oh and Russia too. Logistics may be a bit more complicated. But it WILL happen!

14) Earn more money than I can possibly spend: How about earn money period! While being poor certainly forces you to be more creative, there's something alluring about having enough money to be able to go anywhere and do anything in the world. Now how to earn it... hmmm

I would hardly say that I was loaded, but at one point I was earning enough that I could spend on whatever I wanted, and still save quite a lot. Obviously I was constrained by my own inherent stinginess, but I was there at one point (and back to poverty once again).

19) Drop everything to follow a boy: Being selfish is just what I do, but one day it would be nice to find someone I love more than myself (ha!), to the point that I would drop everything to follow. That is, to follow with consent. There will be no creepy stalking here. A restraining order would put a quick end to that dream.

I've realised that it's not selfishness, but cowardice that has held me back from doing this. I'll still leave it on there, but following BL#19 at this point will only end in a restraining order.

22) Teach people to swim: If this ear infection is ever cured then I can go back in the water. And prevent someone from drowning or helping somebody to be able to love the water would be so rewarding.

32) Fly first class: Por favor!!!

38) Sing karaoke in Japan: I love karaoke, and what better pilgrimage than to the birthplace of this wonderful creation.

45) Try ayhuasca: I am all for hallucinogenic drugs, so why not experience it deep in the rain forest with a shaman in my favourite continent.

I did this in Colombia and it was great!! Well, not great in the sense that I particularly enjoyed shitting and vomiting (luckily not at the same time), but it was pretty special. 11/10 would do again.

52) Go to Nimbin Mardi Grass: Road trip buddies anyone? 2012 could be the year.

60) Own a pet snake: Why not?

62) Master the art of being a clown: Something about being in Mexico and being surrounded by clowns made me realise the immense happiness they bring people, and inspired me to share that around. My dad already thinks I'm funny looking, and when I apply make up I usually look like a clown, so I'm already halfway there.

68) Survive a week without food: For starters, let's try for an hour without food, which of course is a mammoth task with all of the lollies, bacon and mi goreng noodles sitting in my cupboard. But thanks to a very privileged life, I have never had to know what it felt like to truly be hungry. Although it will not be a pretty week, any friend who has ever spent enough time with me will know that I am a monster when I am hungry. Imagine a week of that. And multiply it by 10. Uh oh!

I think all of these are real, and legitimate dreams, and it's curious to think that almost 5 years down the track I would leave most of them on the list.